Finding a Lifelong Love
Here we are again with another update. Most of this post will be old news to most of you, but for some it will all be new, and for those of you who have heard most of this information, I invite you to stay for today's story time as I still have a few new and entertaining stories to tell you today. The way I have set up this blog post will be going over a very important life event that Gerald and I had back in May, and where we have been this summer. My next blog post will back track a bit and go over the stages of grief I have been through this past year since my dad has passed. It will start with grief the first few months, transitioning into where I am still at in this process as we are quickly approaching the year anniversary of when my beloved papa was taken from this earth.
Well, with all that being said, here we go...The DeFouw Family
So Gerald DeFouw and I are finally married!
Gerald and I met at Bible school three years ago in Michigan and were in the same class. We didn't know each other very well, but our senior semester we started to hang out more and decided that we wanted to get to know each other better. We were dating through the rest of our senior semester, and then ended up graduating and going on to a missionary training center together in Missouri that fall and were in classes together there as well. In October of last year, just three days before my 20th. birthday Gerald and I decided that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, and from that point we were engaged and planning our upcoming wedding for the following summer. This past May of 2018 we finally said our I do's and we are FINALLY MARRIED!!
Being married has truly been one of the sweetest gifts I have ever known; to have the opportunity to sacrifice, love, and help your partner to grow and tap into their potential in the Lord, and to have the same in return is truly such an incredible blessing from the Lord! Now don't get me wrong, marriage is not always cupcakes and roses, especially with grief in the mix, things just seem so much harder, but it is a beautiful thing and that is what I want to spend some time on in this blog; just where the Lord has taken the two of us this summer, and the joys of marriage.
Just a few weeks ago I was at work and I looked down at my wedding ring and realized again, "Oh my goodness, I am married...just a few months ago that wasn't there...I am a wife...I have a husband...I get to be married to Gerald DeFouw...Wow, how lucky am I?" I still wake up day after day just amazed at how blessed I am, and thankful to the Lord for protecting my man, giving him two wonderful parents to raise him, a church that would come around him and support him, and a God that is so faithful in guiding his life and leading him to a little Bible school where we could study the Word together and one day fall in love. Gerald and I are very similar in many ways, but in other ways totally different (which I am sure is true of plenty of couples), and it just amazes me that the Lord could bring two imperfect people together and make something beautiful out of it. It is like Gerald was made just for me!
We have grown so much together this past year and a half since we started dating, and I feel like grief has pushed us together that much faster, because in hard times you have to hold on tighter, and pain will really put you through the fire and show you whom you are made of...will you be made of yourself and your own self will and stubbornness, or will you see Christ live through you and allow your spouse to enter into the pain to draw you both closer to Christ through it all? And please believe me there have been PLENTY of days where I have seen so much of my own faults and sinfulness and have pushed my husband away to shield him from the pain (but more on this to come in my next blog).
Gerald and I have had to learn how to simply mesh our daily lives and schedules, what our pet peeves are, or simple things like organization or meal preferences when joining lives. We have had to learn a lot though about harder things such as sacrifice, how to listen, when to speak and correct, how to make the most out of the time we have between very busy schedules, how to comfort in the midst of sorrow, and how to find little ways to say I love you and cherish you daily.
One nice thing about my full time job doing In Home Health Care is that I usually have some time to read during the day, and this has been a blessing to me as it allows me to read marriage books. As some may know I am a big researcher for things I am passionate about or new to, so I have been soaking in as many marriage books I can get ahold of, one of which I recently finished called "Cherish" by Gary Thomas. It was one of the best marriage books I have read and I highly recommend it. We both have a long way to go, but I am so grateful for Christian resources like this, and so grateful for all of the things the Lord has taught us this far!
Marriage has been such a beautiful picture of Christ and the church for me! I feel bad for those who don't have that picture in their marriage, but that is the picture we are meant to have. I know that Gerald is far from perfect, and does not always love me like Christ loves the church, but I also know that I am far from perfect and do not always love, honor, and respect him as I should either. I do know that the Lord is helping us through all of these things, and when we do fall there is grace upon grace; how could there be any less when we have been given grace beyond measure by our Father. I look forward to seeing where the Lord will continue to take us and to see the past wounds disappear as we cherish them away for each other.
Gerald and I have also simply learned how to have fun with each other and find adventures we enjoy. One thing death makes readily apparent is to live EVERY DAY like it is your last. If you want to have fun and be crazy (within our legal limits and moral limits of course) then GO DO IT. You never know when your days will be up, so don't be afraid to live life to its fullest with your family, spouse, or children. NO REGRETS.
One of our summer adventures involved a kayak at 9:00Pm in the dark with spiders, low water, and a waterfall! :/
Gerald and I have a tandem Kayak and had wanted to go out together in it for a while but had not had time. Well one night we had a couple of hours to go out after dinner, and we wanted to try a new route that Gerald had not been on. It turned out that the end location was father than we had anticipated and we were going to be out in the dark. The waters we shallow that day and lots of trees were down, so even in the day light the waters were hard to navigate. We ended up being in the dark for about half an hour, and I had called my mum who lived up the street to see if she could pick us up at a closer location. Everything was going fairly well in the dark, though it was a little challenging, until we heard some running water. I laughed as I heard the water since it was a bit louder than a rapid and told Gerald," Haha, wouldn't that be funny if it was like one of those times in the movies where you cant see the waterfall ahead and then all of a sudden you are going over this massive dropping waterfall?" Well as we started to get closer to the sound the realization hit us that we were actually approaching a waterfall! I started to panic a little bit since I was in the front of the boat and could not see how far the drop was. Gerald reassured me that it was probably not too big of a drop and that we would not die at least, and he was right; we did make it. The drop was probably only five feet or so, and was actually pretty fun, but nevertheless a little scary in the dark. After the waterfall we continued on, but since it was hard to see the tree-line we ended up going under a whole bunch of branches. Do you know why you don't go under trees in a boat? You either end up with snakes or spiders in your boat... Well me being in the front again, I got smashed with all of these big branches and ended up with this massive (wish I could use my hands to show you how big ;) ) spider on my leg. Well needless to say I panicked, squashing Gerald in the back of the boat and trying to smash the spider in the front of the boat with my paddle. I ended up almost getting our boat stuck on the rocks, but we recovered, and got our boat back on track, we were able to find a landing spot and drain our boat and finally got home; cold and wet though we were.
This story is still so funny telling it the second time...I am laughing just writing it.
We have certainly had our shares of both adventures, and some less fun scary events, but the Lord has carried us through it all, and continues to draw us closer to Himself, and to each other as a married couple. You know Christ must always remain our first love, the One our heart turns to first, but it is such an unbelievable privilege to have a spouse that you trust more than anyone on this planet, to be able to walk through life and share the ups and downs, and to have a person that can both push you, love you, and cherish you, more than anyone else in this life will ever be able to.
Here is a poem that I wrote a while ago in relation to just having a continual place of belonging in Christ. Some of the principles also apply to marriage, but just a reminder of the beauty of marriage and the constant love we have from Christ because we are His children, and He is our First love.
*Also if you have any trouble understanding my poems, its alright, I understand that poems are not for everyone.
A Place of Belonging
To Belong, to be whole
What a true sense of peace that brings
To feel loved, to feel home,
Oh that sense of belonging
To not have to wander as a stranger unknown
To never have to be alone
To never have to miss that sense of peace
Oh belonging, what a gift...
But I am at home, and I do belong;
Safe at home in my Father's arms
And when I must wander
And when I must stray,
For the Gospel's sake I will say...
I belong with my Father in the grasp of His grace
And when I am lonely
And when I am far from home,
I will remember where I truly belong
In the Might of the Savior's arms
Thank you for reading, please leave your comments, questions, or replies in the comment section below. I would love to hear from you!