To Remember   

     I have asked Gerald if at some point in the future I could get a family tattoo, but since Maybel has passed I felt now was a good time to get one and honor her memory. Gerald approved and I finally got it done today. I had my friend Marissa Farrell design it for me with a few tweaks from the artist today (so a huge shout-out to you friend for designing it). It has all of our birth flowers, with Gerald and mine connected, and our kids birth flowers as off-shoots from ours. All of it is in black except for parts of Maybel's flower that have bits of yellow...she will always be part of our family, but now she gets to see in full color as she lives in heaven now. Sybil Grace and Maybel Peace are also included by their flowers. I was really pleased with the end result. (Dated: April 6th.)

     

      We all have different ways of remembering our loved ones and telling their stories to others. I guess for me, tattoos have been an important way for me to remember the people important in my life that left an imprint on my heart, and that I want to remember daily to share their stories with others. When my dad passed away I actually got my first tattoo. I got it in honor of my dad’s memory, as well as in celebration of my upcoming marriage to Gerald (since we had gotten engaged two weeks before my dad passed away). My dad used to do a lot of pre-marital counseling for couples, and one thing he would always ask them would be, “Is this just someone you can live with, or someone you can’t live without?” Meaning is the person you are marrying someone you can put up with and enjoy on occasion, or someone that you would say I don’t know how I would live my life without them in it; they push me closer to Christ, they are my best friend and companion, we would do anything to protect and love one another, and I never want to live a day without them. 

    Before my dad passed away I remember him calling me one day at school and him asking me this same question when he thought Gerald was going to be asking for my hand soon. Of course I said this was the case for Gerald and I. My parent’s hadn’t had that much time to get to know Gerald, but I was always telling them about our conversations, and how wonderful Gerald was. It was no different for me during this conversation. I told my dad again how confident I was that Gerald and I were meant to be together; how caring he was towards me, what a hard worker he was, that he was tender hearted and thoughtful of others, that I knew he would do anything to protect me, and that because he and I desired to be teachable we would continue to grow in our marriage together. I told him I loved Gerald and wanted to marry him. (Summary of conversation ;) ). So after my dad passed away I got my first tattoo that said, “It’s not just can you live with him, it’s can you live without him.”

    The second tattoo that I got was after Gerald and I got married. I asked Gerald if we could get couple tattoos that represented our loving marriage together. He said yes, and we came up with our tattoo ideas. He got one with two arrows one on top and one on bottom with the words my liefde in between. We wanted tattoos that represented our family heritages coming together. Gerald comes from a Dutch background, and I come from a German background, and so he calls me his “liefde” which is the Dutch word for “love”. My tattoo is a grouping of blue Dutch flowers with the words “my Liebes” in the middle; which is the German word for “love”.

    My third tattoo is now my family tattoo that I have gotten since Maybel passed which I described up above. For me, tattoos are such an amazing talking point. I love how they look personally, and I get a lot of compliments on them when I am out, but more than anything when people ask about them I get to tell them my stories. I get to share about my dad and what an amazing man he was, and what his life meant to me and others. I get to share his quotes, mottos, or life lessons. When people ask about my couples tattoo, I get to tell them about my amazing husband, how long we have been married, how sweet marriage can be, and how proud I am to be his wife. When people ask about my family tattoo, I get to talk about not only Gerald, but the blessing of family, how God has given us two beautiful girls that have touched our hearts in such a deep way. Sometimes I get to share on a deeper level about how our Maybel passed away, but the hope that we have knowing confidently we will see her again one day. I love reminders that I can look at daily to never forget, to pray, to remember to love, and remember to use every opportunity to share about Christ in the time we have here on earth. 

 Resurrection Day

    Gerald and I were talking the other night about sin and it's representation in the physical reality of death. Death is never a subtle picture. It stares you square on and says "Here I am, I am the result of sin in this fallen world." It sucks being stuck in bodies that are still tied to the flesh, fallen, and that even as believers we still make sinful choices. Losing two special people in the last 3 1/2 years in such horrible ways are a constant reminder of the heartbreaking consequence of sin, and yet a reminder of the grace of God.

    Especially losing our little Maybel recently, it puts the death of Christ, God's own Son, in an entirely new light. I humanly would do anything to bring our little girl back, and yet God willingly gave His Son for us, and Jesus willingly submitted Himself to God's plan and gave Himself for us! WHAT GRACE!

    Death was never part of God's plan for this world, and as I sat there crying with Gerald I was saying how hard it is to watch those you love die, and yet I thought how horrible it must be for the Lord to see so many people die every day, and that was never part of His original plan....I wonder what His thoughts are as He sees each person die...for the believers that die I am sure it is such a pleasure to welcome them home in His arms, and yet I know He feels our pain as those left behind and aches with us for the reality and the pain death brings to our present lives.

    But yet the Lord is so gracious...even through the death of our loved ones we can still find His grace. Our Heavenly Father has strengthened the parts of our marriage that He knew would be tested in these trials, He has blessed us with a healthy child, family that will support us during hard times, even the death of my father previously helped prepare us for this day as Gerald had to walk with me in my grief early in our marriage (I didn't see the grace of the timing of my father's death in this way before), and even after the death of my dad and our sweet Maybel He has shown us little things to remind us of His love whether it be a quote on a sign that my dad used all of the time, to daffodils in our yard (March birth flower) to remind us of Maybel.

    God's grace stretches from the small picture to the biggest picture in His Son's death...but thank the Lord that His Son didn't stay dead...He rose to conquer the death and sin in this world and offer us the chance to be in fellowship with Him, and fellowship with Him forever... WHAT GRACE!!!

    I can't wait for the day when we get to be rid of this sinful body and get to see Christ face to face! Happy Resurrection Day! I hope you are all able to remember and enjoy the grace of God in your lives today .

(Date: April 3rd. 2021)

Due Date

    Today was supposed to be my 40 week due date with our Maybel, but instead it was her burial. I glad that we just had close family there, and Gerald and I were able to bring some things to lay in her casket. We brought her a doll that says forever sisters love Sybil, and we have one for Sybil that says the same thing but love Maybel(the tags were tied on with the ribbon I had wrapped around my wedding bouquet). We brought a family picture of us with Sybil, and us with Maybel, a card from Gerald and a card from myself that we wrote to Maybel, and finally four daffodils (Maybel's March flower) that each represented a member of our family...also totally cool God moment as a few days before her funeral Gerald had looked outside and found that there was a small patch of yellow daffodils on our property...and we don't really have any flowers on the property! Sybil also got to wear the matching outfit that her sister was buried in.

    Andrew Trezona did the service for our wedding, and today he did the service for our little girl. It was just perfect, and really a testimony of the Gospel as well as an honorable way to express the life of our darling Maybel Peace .

    It was so hard having this be the first and only time Sybil will get to meet her baby sister this side of earth, and really hard for us to say our last goodbyes this side of earth. Through all of this the Lord has been holding us in His hands, the prayers and support from all of you have been so encouraging, and doing all of this with a spouse that I know will always be here and will always love me, and I in turn will do the same is such a comforting place to rest as we walk hand in hand with the Lord together .

    We have pictures from today, and the recordings of the cards we read and laid with Maybel today, but we will get the video recording of the actual funeral probably posted tomorrow for those who were not able to come.

    One of the last things Gerald and I said to each other as we were holding hands over our darling girl's sealed casket was "I see you." This is something I have told Gerald even before Maybel died. I told him that there is comfort when people in our culture say "I am sorry for your loss" because that is how we offer encouragement and condolences, but I have told him that I like to say to people "I see you." Meaning I see you in the hurt, beyond what I see I am here for you, and even when I don't understand I can be there quietly in the pain. It was a sweet way to remember that in the pain when we don't know what to say or how to feel that we see beyond the pain and onto the one we love, and that ultimately Christ sees and knows every aspect of the hurt and will see us through every day and every year that goes past and our little Maybel Peace is no longer in our arms.

Thank you guys for all of your love!

(Date March 20th. 2021)

Maybel Peace

    I am trying to get my blog up and running again (fingers crossed lol). I know a lot of people don't connect on FaceBook, but do read my blog, so I thought a good way to update people on what our life has been looking like this year was to create posts using some of my posts from FaceBook and then continueing with my blog from there. That being said, if you keep up with my FaceBook posts you may want to skip of few of these and continue on reading my new blog posts. So here we go...

 Maybel Peace 

     Saturday morning the 13th. (My dad's birthday) I went into labor at 39 weeks. When our midwife came she was having trouble finding our little one's heartbeat, so we transferred to Bethesda North where we found out our little one had passed away about 24hrs. before I went into labor. Our beautiful baby was born at 4:30pm. It turned out to be a girl! Luckily we had both names picked out even though we were expecting a boy. Her name is Maybel Peace... meaning beautiful one of peace. 

    For each of our kids we wanted names they could grow in to, have character, and that represent the gospel. Sybil grace means prophetess of God's grace, and Maybel Peace which I said above means beautiful one of peace, and I know she would have been a testimony for the gospel of the peace the Lord brings, but that her precious life will continue to be a testimony for Christ! She was 9lbs. 4 oz. And absolutely breathtaking! Even though her skin was peeling a lot and she was so fragile, she looks a lot like Sybil did when she was born, except she had a lot more hair and it was dark.

     To say we are heartbroken would be an understatement...there are so many emotions, and memories made during the pregnancy in preparation for this sweet one as well as a grievance for memories we will never get to share with her, but we are trusting the Lord during this time, even though we don't understand why she passed, and we look forward to meeting her one day! For now we know she is at peace, getting to spend her birthday with her grandpa on his birthday, with our Heavenly Father who loves her more than we ever could, and forever in our hearts and lives as a family. We so appreciate your prayers during this time, and I am sure we will be able to share more with you all as time goes on. We love you our sweet 

Maybel Peace...our little lady bug...honey bun...sweet baby girl... Marmee, papa, and your big sister Sybil